Lots of thoughts - part 2

A lot of people have asked me for a health update..... it is hard for me to share this because a year and a half later I am still dealing with some of them. I want to raise awareness that just because the chemo and radiation are over,  it doesn't mean the sickness is gone.

I have what they call neuropathy in my feet and toes. It is a constant stabbing pain that worsens if I am on my feet for more than 20 to 30 minutes. By the end of the day, it feels like someone is trying to rip my toenails out . I have tried different medications and so far none have been able to alleviate the pain. 

I am still getting cancer treatments called herceptin. They hook me up to an iv for an hour and administer the drug. It causes bone pain and nausea . I receive this every 3 weeks . I am glad to say that I am almost done with these!

About a month before we had to move , I was experiencing chest pain. We thought that it was all from stress . Unfortunately,  it was more. An echocardiogram revealed there was fluid on my heart. Most likely a result from the herceptin.

I am now on tamoxifen for 10 years. It has some nasty side effects, but it looks can save me from a recurrence of cancer. Since it was stage 3 and moved into my lymph nodes they want to make sure I am doing everything in my power to prevent it from coming back.We have also talked about shutting my ovaries down too. So that is definitely a possibility in the near future. 

I still have a tissue expander implant in my left breast. It is constantly hurting. I have had this since October, and I cannot wait to get rid of it. On July 13th I will have surgery to remove  and replace it with a normal implant. I am so excited to finally get rid of this pain. I will also be getting surgery on my right breast so that it will match the other one . I will not be able to lift my babies for 3 weeks.  I remember how hard that was. My husband will have to take off work for at least 1 week.

Most nights, I lie in bed for an hour unable to sleep because of the pain. But the most important thing is that I am here. I'm so thankful and beyond blessed to be here. To see my darling little girls every day.  To kiss my handsome husband good night.  That's the reason I keep pushing through. To hear the giggles and sweet little words coming from my daughters. One day, this will all be a bad memory.  I will be more focused on watching these precious girls grow up, and less focused on cancer.

I have learned a valuable lesson through all of this. Love conquers all. The unconditional love from my husband and children have helped me through the darkest of days.  My family and friends around me have given me the strength to face each day with a new found respect for life and every single moment. It is a blessing to be here. It is a privilege to have such great people around me. The good things out weigh the bad. After the rain comes the rainbow. And I am so very excited for the future. 

I continue to be thankful for everyone who has helped us. I love you and appreciate your continued presence in our family's journey. May God bless each and every one of you.

Lots of Thoughts - Part1

To say I have been neglecting my blog is an understatement....I have had A LOT to reflect on the past several months. I tend to over think everything....Which is why I have taken my time in writing. I came across this picture recently, and it touched me deeply. It hit home on the very reason I changed a lot about my life , and the people that I chose to surround me:

You see, when you help someone in need who is hurting - It is so very wrong to bash them publicly, to kick them when they are down. Anger and Bitterness can surely cause such an ugly and detrimental path of destruction. I can spend my whole blog entry spewing nasty blows against those who have hurt me. One person's Lie caused so many horrible and unforgivable chain reactions. I made the huge mistake of trusting her and letting her back into my life . I was vulnerable, and just found out I had Cancer. Even when very sick , and not knowing if I could be cured - this person lied about me, pretended to be my friend, and lied to people I thought were genuine. And in turn, those people believed her lies, and turned away. They kicked me when I was down. They knew I was hurting and abandoned our friendship, and chose to say hurtful things. Some even mocked my pain and said some of the most horrible things ever. They still are doing it 5 months later.  BUT, through all of this , I remained silent. I could not sink to that level of anger and ugliness. I really want to thank the very person who started this. Just when I thought life couldn't get worse , it did....for a small period of time. But every hurricane must cease. and the skies clear. I found myself. I saw what (and who) was around me and all of a sudden, this dark fog lifted. The clouds parted  and the sunshine came out. The birds began to sing the loveliest melodies. I may have ended a couple friendships, but it was for the BEST. I want those surrounding me to want to be there. You shouldn't have to beg people to be a part of your life , they should want to be there. I am so very happy now. I have a small circle of friends who have been there for me and lifted me up through this. Life is too short to hang on to things that drag us down. I decide to be happy and handle it with grace and class . I want to forgive them, and I want to move forward.

You didn't think I was going to make my blog about negative things the whole page, did you? So many amazing things happening for the Garvin family. I was going to make my blog private...but I am not going to let others change me in sharing my story. So, If you hate me that much and still want to creep on my life - have at it!

So, we had to leave our house that we were renting. My dear husband and I were thinking "Let's Buy a House" We were aligned with an amazing realtor and mortgage loan guy....It was a very nerve wracking couple of months, but we did it! They even came to me because I wasn't feeling well to sign the closing paperwork! We found a charming 4 bedroom home with a huge fenced in back yard perfect for our little family. It has a big swing set. When Olivia first saw it she just kept saying "I have my own Playground" ! She is so happy. To see how happy my babies and husband are is the greatest gift. We have a HOME. It is Ours . And it feels so right!

We have a pet Chipmunk here too!!

Sweet Bathroom!

Back Yard / Patio area

I have the most gorgeous lilacs

Purple too!

Loves her Playground!! Were fixing it up too!

Looking at the deer!!

I decided to take some photography classes and buy a pro camera, and follow my dreams of becoming a photographer. I am still taking some classes and need a lot of practice. I have 2 little ladies who are awesome and I am practicing with them first. It will take a few years, But I hope to  start a business and make it a career when I am healthy. Here are a few pictures .....Copyrighted and please give credit if you share....

Sneek Peek...Olivias 3 year session

Chill in the Air....

November, December, and January have no doubt brought a chill .... It has been one roller coaster of a ride - that is for sure. This journey that I have faced has be quite challenging physically and emotionally. I should not at all feel like I have to hold back from expressing my emotions. My pain and sadness should not be mocked or downplayed. To some looking in from the outside, you will never understand. I will never be the type of person to criticize someones suffering - especially now. I wish I could elaborate, but I have been through enough .  I have learned a lot about life - and all of my knowledge will prepare me for the future and will make me a better person. My family will move on and grow, we will overcome all obstacles and persevere.

November was our sweet Sophia's first Thanksgiving at Grammy Vallo's House- Everyone had a fabulous time, and full bellies!:

December was overall a heartwarming month. The Cleveland Browns gave Brian and I  the VIP  treatment. They spoiled us with parking passes, Field Access, and some pretty good seats. The weather was mild for December (50 degrees). We had so much fun as we were escorted to the field to watch the players warm up and practice!

We also gained a new member to our family.....Ella from the north pole:

Christmas was amazing. We received such an outpouring of love from Seidman Cancer Center as they surprised us by adopting our family- and delivered 4 large boxes full of gifts to our home the week before Christmas. We received tons of toys and clothes for the girls. They even spoiled Mama and Daddy with gift cards to go out to eat and clothes / assorted gifts. We hope that one day we can pay it forward and adopt a family too! Words cannot express the love we have for them and for my Social worker Eileen who has been more of a friend than anything !!

It was one of those Christmas moments I had always dreamed of ..... Presents stacked so high you couldn't see the bottom of the tree. The pitter patter of tiny feet sprinting toward the tree all starry eyed and full of excitement! Squeals of pure delight and awe over the massive amount of presents......The presents just seemed to keep coming. The happiness between the kids and Brian and I was overwhelming. Brian and I beaming with pride. Even sweet little Sophia was wide eyed and happy! Olivia loved her Lovebird Pair that mama worked so hard to find and get !  

Auntie got us a 1 year Cleveland Zoo membership!!!

 Most importantly ....we were together.I will never again take another holiday, birthday, anniversary, ANY DAY for granted.