Wait, What? 5 years?!

Well hello there....It certainly has been a while, hasn't it?

Four years to be exact. I've succumbed to that proverbial mom life, and I'm okay with it. Oh, and I went blonde too ☺

Lots of things have changed and I cannot wait to catch up. Our family has had lots of ups and downs, and we've also added two sweet kitties to our little squad!

I've focused on healing (physically and mentally). I've learned after a lifetime of letting people close to me treat me like a pinata, that it is okay to have distance and most importantly, peace .

My beautiful girls have grown, and are now in middle school ! I've learned to bake French Macarons and Creme Brulee. I'm learning to ssssllllooowwwww down. 

I've raised hundreds of silk moths and some butterflies too.

Hang in there, and I will be so happy to share little by little 💖 

Xoxo,

Colleen

Here We Are!

Wow... I cannot Believe that so much time has passed since I last posted! I originally started this post and forgot to save and publish . It is not the most detailed post, however it *is* something!

So much has happened over the course of the past few years. My hair has grown to be Oh So Long!

And as you can see - These little beauties of mine have grown  so much. 

We have been on many adventures together.

I am so very grateful for the abundance of opportunities we have had. Our children have been fortunate enough to grow up in a home full of love and laughter. We have been blessed to be able to show them so many things .

 

 We have taken them to Florida, and this year we took a bucket list vacation that I have been dreaming of for many, many years. I will blog about it later !

So many people ask me about my health, I am so fortunate and blessed enough to say, I am okay.

I celebrated 5 years no evidence of disease this past October (2019) It was emotional. It was a great day, because they say statistically - once you hit the 5 year mark it is a better prognosis moving forward. I still have severe neuropathy, every single day is very difficult for me to stand or walk for long periods of time. And don't let those heels fool you, as soon as the pictures were done I took them off and threw them in a bag. Oh how I miss wearing heels - but most importantly I am still here, and I don't care what shoes that I am wearing....

Brian and I hit a milestone as well... We are both 40 AF ! !

Brian celebrated with a night out  with his dearest family and friends drinking beer and playing pool. It was a fun night! I celebrated with a photo shoot and a Super fun night out with my Bestie Heather - since she is only a couple weeks behind me . 

In lieu of a big party, a very talented photographer I know collaborated with me and captured my vision for a 40th bday shoot. It was so special and I will share it in a separate post as well.

The girls kept busy with School, Dance, and even joined Girl scouts!!

We took a Bucket List trip to Albuquerque, New Mexico! I will certainly blog about it next time. 

In sadder news, Our beloved Kitty crossed over the rainbow bridge to heaven. He was almost 17 years old. It was very sudden, and his health deteriorated from a lymphoma and kidney issue. He started feeling off in late October, and by December he was so ill that we had to put him to sleep. When I say he was the best cat , he really was. Besides my Husband - Kitty truly comforted me so much through my cancer and beyond.  He was quite the intuitive little guy - he knew when I was pregnant before I did both times. He comforted anyone in our home when they were sick or feeling blue. He loved soft pretzels and honey hut. But most importantly, He loved us. To this day we miss him dearly and his pawprint will always be on our heart!

We had high hopes for 2020

Unfortunately, The 'Rona hit,,,,and as you could imagine Homeschooling took a hit on mama 

But through all of the crazy, We are happy! We managed to keep a HUGE secret, and surprised our girls with a new family member, and named him Gatsby. He is the sweetest little kitten <3 We adore him!

We also have kept busy with over 20 caterpillars! 19 were Cecropia and will emerge in spring of 2021, and the other 5 were Buckeye butterflies and were oh so pretty! 

All in All we are HAPPY, and Faring well during these hard times. I Wish all of you health, love, and light! Once things get back to normal I plan on blogging much more like I used to!!

Time flies

Time certainly has flown by.

I have been reflecting on a lot lately. I never really had the chance to heal after my diagnosis. And I am not just talking about my body... but my soul, and my heart.

Over the course of the past few years there are things that have weighed down my soul. I found myself questioning a lot.

 Why? Why did all of this happen???

How? How could people be the way that they were???

And then I thought. and thought. and thought...... I started to breathe. My anger subsided, and I had peace. My hurt, it will be there always. But forgiveness?  That is my responsibility. To let go.
We don't always have to understand things. But we must be accountable for how we react.

Most people go through this epiphany after cancer. The clouds part and the sun rays beam brightly. There are rainbows and unicorns ......I never had any of that crap. It took me a couple of years to see it. I did see life from a different perspective! I live life and try to embrace opportunities that I may have otherwise slip by.  I damn well cry at nearly every milestone with my children. Holidays , school stuff, hell some days I cry when the sun hits Olivia's face and her eyelashes flutter as she tells me how much she loves me....Or when I look at Sophia's deep blue eyes and hear her giggle uncontrollably. Or when I see Brian  holding hands or playing with our beautiful little ladies. Wow, how lucky am I ? How lucky are we?

And so I am Happy. Happy to be healthy. Happy to have good days.

I don't have to be friends with everyone. I don't have to bend over backward and force relationships. I just Give it to God, and he will decide for me .

I have such a long way to go - and I certainly cannot figure everything out. But I can say with certainty, that I have grown as a woman, wife, mother, friend, human.

And lastly- It has been a very long time since I have posted pictures, or anything really.
 I will try and post some catch up posts. But for now here are a few from the past few months ......