Reflection....

Well... It has been a long 7 months.

I cannot put into words the heartache, and joy that my family and I have endured.
I feel the need to reflect on the moments - both happy and sad. For even the tragic and trying moments have made me the new woman , mom, and wife that I am today. Please excuse my grammar, as I am so overwhelmed with emotion as I type this. Just thinking about it makes me tear up.

In March I was almost 7 months pregnant and Brian , Olivia and I were so happy and excited. We were preparing to welcome our sweet little Sophia into the world. I knew in the back of my mind after a breast ultrasound and biopsy that my life was going to change...and it did.

I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Invasive Breast Cancer. It was aggressive and needed to be treated immediately. A week later, I had to do the hardest thing I have EVER done in my life. I had to get Chemotherapy while pregnant. I had to expose my healthy baby to toxins and chemicals. I will never forget the ride to Seidman Cancer center. I will never forget sobbing uncontrollably. I will never forget my body trembling with fear. Or my husband trying to comfort me, when I saw the sincere sadness, pain , and fear in his eyes as well.

I made it through. We made it through. I lost my hair, eyelashes , eyebrows...I had no energy. Some days I honestly felt like I was dying from the drugs they were giving me to rid this horrible cancer. I could not hold my babies, I could not walk or run with them . I watched them play outside as I sobbed, my heart hurting just as much as my body - because I could not be there physically for them like I had wanted to.I decided that I did not want to have a third round of chemotherapy while pregnant. My doctors advised if I went that route, they would need to induce me a few weeks early. I agreed, as I did not want to put my sweet baby through any more than she had already been through. Sweet Sophia was born with no complications from the chemo, Thank God....Our prayers were answered!

After Sophia was born, I had to endure a different and even worse type of chemo that really took a toll on my body. But my children gave me hope. Even on the darkest of days, knowing what I was doing  - saving my life - was worth it. I swear my children's laughter and smiles, My husbands support and love - those are the main things that really helped me push through. I finally completed my Chemo, and was ready for the next step....

Chemo is a very ugly thing. It sucks the life out of you. It steals everything from you. But I chose to be as happy as I could. Underneath my wig  - was a bald head. Many ask me why did I not go out bald like so many others do? My answer was simple.... Because, that's not "me" . I would not allow cancer to take away my right to feel pretty. And if a wig allowed me to look and feel myself, then that is what I wanted to do. Yes , I wear makeup and false eyelashes. Cancer may make me feel sick...But I refuse to look sick!

After chemo, my next step was a mastectomy and dissection. It took place on October 6th 2014. I was terrified. But it had to be done. It was removing the cancer that was trying to kill me. My Husband needed me, My babies needed me , and I NEEDED THEM! I made it through. And even had a surprise visit from some of the Cleveland Browns the day after surgery

I still have to go through 5 to 6 weeks of radiation...and another surgery. But I know that as difficult as this journey has, and will be I will get through it. I have faith in God. I have a Loving Supportive husband, and 2 Beautiful little girls.....

Here are a few Happy pictures of Brian, Olivia and Sophia (and me too)