Bad Days....

We all have our bad days. Needless to say, this was one of the worst for me. I have lost count of the locks I have lost.  I wake up and look at a pillow with hair on it every day. That's my first sight. And I'm sick of it. My daughter can no longer playfully mess with my hair or lovingly put her hands on my head without ten or so strands coming out. I already miss those mommy and daughter moments..... No more feeling the wind blow through my hair, or throwing it back in a ponytail or clip. The worst was in the shower as I tried to gently wash what's left of it clump after clump coming out after me barely running my fingers through to rinse out the baby shampoo.

I know this isn't forever, but its going to be almost a year. Those little things I took for granted, I now realize I will be missing . I cannot explain how heartbreaking it was looking in the mirror after my shower, seeing bald spots. Grabbing a comb, to try and cover them up, only to lose another clump of hair in the process. So I cried. I felt like such a freak. How will my husband see me as beautiful any more? I can't bear to look at myself.

 I will, at some point get used to this - that I know. That being said, I must be in some sort of control. So my hairdresser is coming over to buzz the remainder of my hair off. I will no longer let these strands of hair make me cry. I am not going to let the anger and sadness consume me. I have to be a good role model for Olivia. When things start to push you down , you can either let it hurt you, or RISE ABOVE.  I choose to RISE ABOVE!  I'm not saying I will not have moments of weakness, or sadness, or anger. But I will not let those moments linger any longer than they have to.

 I posted a song on my facebook a few days ago..... I love this song because it so beautifully represents me, and my battle.

 Here are the lyrics:

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that's what you need
Be your everything

I can do it

I'll get through it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

Just a little human

I can take so much
Until I've had enough

'Cause I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=r5yaoMjaAmE