Beginnings.....They are wonderful, aren't they? Sometimes all you need is a clean slate. A fresh breath of air. New Perspective.
Things have finally settled down in life. Although, it is certain to be a roller coaster as life always is.
I thought when I was diagnosed with Cancer , that after the Chemo, Radiation, and Surgeries, that life would be closer to normal. But it hasn't been. Expectations are just that , they're what you expect; but not promised.
I still have quite a few health issues, however, I am alive. I can hold my children without wincing in pain. I may not be able to stay on my feet for a long time, but I can walk. My body is not as hot as it used to be, but my husband still thinks I am beautiful. With time, all will be healed.
Sometimes, family can be the ones to deceive us. We can either let them walk all over us - or we can stand up for ourselves and what is right, and honorable. Actions speak louder than words. Anyone can *say* they are a good person. But how they act defines the truth. Personally, I am done being a doormat. I feel like in December we got hit from every direction. So rather than fluffing things off - I was honest. For years our family has struggled with pain and being talked about.....rumors and lies circling like a vulture. I put an end to all of it. And you know what, It felt like a huge weight being lifted. The truth shall set you free .....and we feel so free right now.
So what now?
With a clean slate comes the resolutions.
1) Bye bye old Colleen! Fool me once shame on you....Fool me twice?? Nope. not gonna happen. I have been burned too many times. Chances are - if I cut you off you handed me the scissors. I gave people the benefit of the doubt, and they hurt me....again, and again.
If you aren't in my circle, that's where you are staying. I don't care if you think you've changed. I know better. Anyone who could say and do the things people have done to my family will NOT get a free pass. If you can't be there for me during the storm, you sure as hell can't dance in the sunshine with me! The past is just the past . For me , all of the good memories are out-shadowed by the horrible memories.
2) Picture this.... I want to take more pictures of my family. and of my husband. After almost dying, I look back and think wow....we could have taken more pictures just to capture how much we have grown. Plus my husband is pretty hunkalicious.
3) YOLO . Yes I said it , so what? Don't judge. I actually love Drake so, shut up.
Beyond the silly catchphrase from a rapper, it has a much deeper meaning. So yes bitches, YOLO! This year I want to try new foods, Have more adventures, Go shooting, Learn more about Photography. Live More!
4) Be Healthy.
We all know that eating a shit - ton of sugar and processed carbs is horrible. I have already tried to cut sugars out -except for my morning tea, because I deserve one glorious teaspoon of mother effing sugar mmmkay?
But more all natural and organic stuff. Fruits & Veggies. I just explained to my oldest daughter that I was going to be healthier, so that I could be around to see her and her sister grow up. "Thats so sweet" she replied. Yes- yes it is. And I fully intend on being there for them and my guy.
And at least 30 minutes of exercise. every day. no excuses.
5) All of me Loves all of Him.
So we need more time together. Just the two of us. We just defied the odds, went through the worst *almost* two years of our marriage. So yes, we owe it to ourselves. Get out more . See a concert, have dinner.
My Brian is an amazing husband, father, man, and human being.
While being honored at an event downtown , I was asked to write a Bio ...I added this:
I would like to add, My husband, deserves this honor as well. He is a stand up amazing man, partner, and father to his children.He loved me through the darkest, and ugliest days. He still told me I was hot and beautiful. He cooked for me . He played Mama when I was too weak to be there. He stayed strong, and never cried in front of us. He is our rock and deserves such recognition.
What a man he is, and I am blessed to have him.
6) Be the best Individual I can.
Be a better mom and wife. Listen more. Take time out for myself.
I recently saw Jada Pinkett-Smith do a very candid talk with her daughter and mom . It was beautifully worded. And while I most certainly will end up letting my babies crawl up in my lap and start licking my ice cream cone, or act a fool the entire time I watch my dvr shows.... I will at some point have to take care of myself.
7) Last, and certainly not the Least. Be more Spiritual.
Have I struggled with God and religion? absolutely. However for some strange reason, I still have faith. And it isn't by accident. I want to be the best person I can. Without judging others. I want to go to church more, pray more, be more.
I didn't kick cancers ass for a reason. And I personally believe God wants me here. I have a purpose. To help others. To Inspire others. To love others.
